just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
