Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
