I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
