It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
