I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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