Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
