remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a search helicopter?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
