Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize