remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
