Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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