i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
