how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
