Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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