He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
