You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize