You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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