Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
