He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
