time to smoke my breakfast
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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