I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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