She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
