No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
