My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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