I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
