did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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