The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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