Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
