I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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