Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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