there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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