Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
