Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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