Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
