my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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