Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
