Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize