So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I look better un-naked...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i dont even know how to be here
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
