Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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