I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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