Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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