I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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