I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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