He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need to align my fucking chakras
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
