i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
