Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize