The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize