saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
