playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
