i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
