Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
