I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
