i think i have herpe
just one?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
