Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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