Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
