I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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