Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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