My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
