worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
