Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize