i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Randomize
