My room smells like vodka and shame
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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