she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
