im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
