Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize