i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize