do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
