so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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