My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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