I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
