Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
