i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
