1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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