absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
