I smell stomach acid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
