I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Pooping to opera.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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