I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize