Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
