look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
