hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
