I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
