i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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