how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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