Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
