I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
