Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
