I wanna bring you to show and tell
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
