I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
