you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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