im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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