So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
