Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
