i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
