Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you will always have a special place in my vag
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
