You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
