you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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