This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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