K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
