people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
