By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
