Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
