worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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