Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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