my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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