i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
