If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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