4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
